Five reasons not to seek professional help

By Gregory Ramey, PhD, child psychologist at Dayton Children's and Dayton Daily News columnist

While psychologists have much to offer families in distress, there are lots of good reasons why some people shouldn’t seek professional help.

Don’t waste your time and money going to a therapist if you are in any of the following categories:

1. “I’m too busy.”  After a comprehensive evaluation of a very confused and depressed preteen, I discussed with the family why it was essential that both parents be involved in weekly therapy sessions.  The parents took out their digital calendars, and informed me of the one free hour every three weeks that one of them could attend therapy.  I told them I was unavailable to work with them under such conditions.
2. Therapy is a time-consuming commitment.  Don’t begin therapy unless you are totally committed to making it a high priority in your life. Saying “yes” to therapy means saying “no” to other activities.
3. “Therapy is the answer to every problem.”  Therapy is not the answer to all problems.  In some situations, parents should focus their attention on getting a job or spending time with their kids.  I receive many referrals from parents who are concerned about their children’s “self-concept.”  Talking with a therapist doesn’t improve the way children feel about themselves. I frequently tell parents to forgo therapy and help their kids find activities in which they will be successful.   A real sense of confidence comes when kids experience success, not when a therapist tells them how good they really are. 
4. “Nothing’s wrong.”  Sometimes teens are very reluctant clients.  I ask young adults to cooperate with me for three sessions.  They can then decide if they want to continue therapy.  I find that when teens are approached with honesty and respect, they respond in an open and communicative manner. However, there are some situations where kids adamantly refuse to engage in discussions. After a few sessions, I ask them not to return, but I’ll continue to work with their parents.
5. “That won’t work.”  Parents come into my office because they have failed at managing their children’s problems. Why are some parents unwilling to even consider new ways of dealing with old problems? If you aren’t willing to change your ineffective ways of handling situations, why are you seeking help?
6. “It’s your job to fix my child.”  Talking to a child for an hour a week won’t change behavioral and emotional problems. Therapy is most likely to be effective if both parents are involved, and follow through with assignments during the week. If you are not willing or able to implement agreed upon treatment plans at home, don’t bother seeking professional help.

While therapy can be very effective, you need to be willing to change and make a commitment to work hard to make things better for your family.
 
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey.