Depressed dads

By Gregory Ramey, PhD, child psychologist at Dayton Children's and Dayton Daily News columnist

The birth of a baby can bring not only delight but also depression for both moms and dads, according to recently published research in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Postpartum depression among moms has been widely recognized, affecting nearly 24 percent of new moms. What was surprising in this study was the rate of depression among dads, which was slightly over 10 percent, about twice the rate of depression among men in the normal population. For both men and women, the time of greatest vulnerability for depression was three to six months after the birth of their child.

Based upon a review of 43 studies with 28,000 participants, researchers James Paulson and Sharnail Bazemore concluded that dads act differently than moms when they are depressed. Whereas women tended to become withdrawn, men were more likely to become more aggressive or hostile.

The birth of a child changes almost everything in your life. While there is an incredible sense of excitement, there is also the awesome responsibility of caring for a little person who depends entirely upon you for his existence.

Mental health problems are not inevitable. Much depends upon making a few critical decisions that can have a long-term impact. 

1. Set reasonable expectations for yourself and your spouse. Recognize that your life will dramatically change and discuss these with your spouse. How will routine tasks such as shopping and cleaning get done? How will contact with friends be maintained? How might a new baby influence your connection with your spouse, including your sexual relationship? Clarifying expectations and responsibilities beforehand can help prevent some of the conditions leading to depression. 
   
2. Don’t make your child the center of your world. While your infant needs you for everything, you should never depend upon your child to meet all of your needs. Don’t define who you are solely by thinking of yourself as a mom or dad. This isn’t good for you or your child. Maintain friendships and interests that are separate from your role as a parent. 
   
3. Stay connected with your spouse. Your baby will eventually grow up and leave you but your spouse is forever. This is your best friend and romantic partner. Make time for each other. Be gentle, kind and loving. Perhaps most importantly, be understanding as both you and your spouse learn to adjust to these new parenting responsibilities. 
   
4. Pay attention to yourself. Get some rest and try to develop an exercise routine. Sound impossible? Read suggestion number five.
   
5. Get help. Use babysitters, relatives or friends to give you and your spouse a short break from child care responsibilities. Think about a barter arrangement, where you babysit another’s child in return for reciprocal child care. Even a few hours a week, either alone or with your spouse, can have a dramatic effect of your emotional well-being. 
   
6. Seek professional help. Don’t be reluctant to speak with your family doctor if your self-help efforts are ineffective or visit www.postpartummen.com for a list of web resources. 

Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey and join Dr. Ramey on facebook at www.facebook.com/drgregramey.

© 2010 The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. Columns may be reproduced with the permission of Dayton Children’s.